1. So, you want to have sex, but aren’t sure how to go about it? Here are some handy tips from the world of stock photography.
2. Recognise the signs. You can tell when a man is s*xually interested because a gear stick will emerge from his trousers.
3. A woman, meanwhile, will signal her sexual availability by extruding a large number of billiard balls from within her body.
4. Now to get dirty
5. Take off all your clothes
6. Make sure you have a photographic record of your gen!tals beforehand so you can check for differences later
7. It’s important to practise safe sex! Before beginning doing sex, take one of the drying condoms off your washing line.
8. Place it over your giant banana insult finger
9. F0REPLAY is important. This is how your begin shagging
10. Now you can shag. Shagging involves sticking your feet out of the end of the duvet. Like this.
11. This is really good
12.This is poor
13. THIS IS THE BEST WAY YOU CAN PROBABLY DO IT
14. Congratulation, you did it. Now take some time to bask in your glory